Shot to the Gut

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Just had to get my fingers limbered up.


I do believe the producers at '24' must of had a little writers pow-wow.  Last Monday's 2-hour special was probably the best of the past 8-10 weeks.  What makes it the best?  Well lets see...


1.  I remember some of it.
2.  Dana got busted.
3.  The head of CTU has finally "stood up for himself."
4.  Omar's pompadour got tussled.


But let's talk stupid for a few minutes.


10.  CTU is back on line after an EMP, oh and a tap into the trunk line whatever that means.
 9.  If CTU is back up why aren't the radiation detectors?
 8.  And if these detectors are so good why didn't we detect the rods when the Russkies were showing them off?
 7.  Exactly how much do you have to handle the rods before you get sick?
 6.  NAS is arrogant yet they ain't tracking any of the phones they left for CTU. 
 5.  Ethan has a major heart attack, lies in state for nearly an hour and BAM he's up and at 'em.
 4.  President Moronica:  "Come in we can watch your husband's decap on the jumbo-tron."
 3.  "I'm sorry but we're in the middle of a crisis right now and I just got back from shooting two people and putting their bodies in the swamp and changing my clothes and covering my tracks and stuffing a body in the ventilation system so I don't have a lot of time to talk to you right now."  AND EXACTLY HOW ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE EVEN GETTING IN THIS PLACE?  I CAN'T LEAVE COSTCO WITH AN EXTRA ITEM AND WE GOT EVERYBODY AND THEIR BROTHER RUNNING AROUND CTU!
 2.  The President (yeah I know already on the list but she deserves two listings)
 1.  Don't forget Jack has been shot in the gut only hours ago.  Although it seems like months at this point.


And I don't know about you but I am wound up with anticipation for tomorrow night's big kiss scene.  The following sexual tension takes place between 8 AM and 9 AM.  Wonderful...looks like I get a shot to the gut myself.

I'm Just Getting Started

First let me say that I am blogging from my iPhone so you may have to excuse some grammatical errors. Check that I am to anal to let that happen.

I do believe this may be the most gruesome season yet. If you doubt that then you missed the last scene of the second hour last night.

Here are the top 10 Best and Worst of Season 8 so far


The Worst (or as I like to say, Do whuu?)
10. At what point during the auditions did the producers say, "How do we make the director of CTU look more inept than last year?"

9. Who was the genius who said, "Lets find Jack's softer side and make him look like a lil wuss with his constant smile and the "I've got a plane to catch" attitude?

8. Let's draw in the Freddie Prince fans by giving him 9 lives so they keep coming back for more.

7. What is the hiring criteria at CTU?
    a. Do you know Jack Bauer? No. Check.
    b. Do you have an illicit past that may jeopardize the mission? Yes. Check.
    c. Do you have any sense of reality? No. Check.
    d. Do you think Janet Napolitano is hot? Yes. Check.

6. "I tried to call you a few times but..." Boo hoo cry me a river.

5. Speaking of Freddie Prince. He's attracted to Duck Girl?(thanks Kelly)

4. Chloe finds the guy in the taxi but who is it? Uhhh, you just found Hassan's girlfriend in a crowd of 300 people searching 40 cameras at the most inept organization in the world in under 20 seconds (10 If Chloe was more familiar wih the protocols). You can't run one guy through a database for crying-out-loud?

3. The ole Hollywood trick of having the informant choke on his own blood as he stutters his last words only to die as the solution to the entire puzzle gargles out in an unintelligible bubble. But as I've said before this is 24 not 9.

2. This president is an obamanation (yes you saw it right). She's giving the whole country away to a people group who by their very religion are sworn to lie under oath if it furthers their agenda.

1. Cue the white man shadow figure.

Honorable mention: What, Jack's not even puffy from his beatin'?


The Best
10. Ax to the chest. Gruesome but affective.

9. Head butt, chair bust, broken chair leg beat down. Go grampuh!

8. Hastings' using speaker phone in front of the detainee only to get shown up. Classic use of the speakerphone.

7. Hassan's pompador. Elvis can only dream.

6. Hassan's brother's hair. I can only dream.

5. I gotta give props to whomever is writing Jackie's lines this year. They sure ain't writing Dana's.

4. 24 is goin' newkler.

3. Old Russia being involved because old Russia is involved.

2. Chloe showing up Hasting's but we at the 24 Lifegroup saw that one coming didn't we gang. I mean we're trained fans that stuff doesn't get by us.

1. Jackie, "I'm just getting started Jack." Sweet!

And I am your dedicated host as I have typed and edited this from an iPhone. I believe my thumbs may be permanently locked in this bent position.

The Day Begins

Calling all the rabid fans of the television show that brings eight mature adults together once a week and causes them to pass an eight inch action figure around is about to begin. As of this posting we have 17 days and 5 hours to mentally prepare ourselves to squander away 24 hours on a show that will ultimately frustrate us. But we will have gotten together approximately 20 times by the end of the season. And really, aren't life groups about relationships anyway.

Actually, what is more relationship building than watching Jack slowly succumb to the tug on his heart strings as he saves the world and everyone doubts him only to lose his heart as he makes another personal sacrifice. Sorry I was thinking about Seasons 1-7...

If you have seen the trailer for this season you have seen the new offices of CTU. Apparently most of the stimulus package was spent at this new facility. This is a nice segue to my new section, Points to Ponder.

Points to Ponder
1. I would liked to have seen Jack take out the underwear bomber on the plane to Detroit.
2. Do you think the Obama Party Crashers would have made it past the door if Jack was running security?
3. Ever notice that Jack never has a "systemic failure?"
4. Sorry that's not true there was Audrey in Season 6.
5. This season takes place in NY City. Lets see how they negotiate that traffic.
6. WARNING: I may puke during the first episode as Jack plays Grampuh. Really?! Grampuh?! Really?!

Prediction

As all of us know we have a local celebrity in our group. Well she's going to be on a new talk show soon on the local Fox affiliate. I want to make a prediction that this show is going to be a launching point for her and that in the not to distant future we are going to see her on the national television scene. Maybe an updated Regis and Kelly. I'm just sayin'.

Season 8

Well I have to admit that I have not been keeping up like I should. Let me rephrase that...I have a new smartphone that CTU has not completed the uplink for and some of the signature files for the upcoming season are still a bit fuzzy.

Here is what I do know aka My First List aka The Three C's
1. Conservative, Christians in America have been wrong. Stem cells from newborns can heal anything as long as the power of the turbin is given full rights on your death bed.

2. Chloe still has connections and can find you even if you are "retired" and living with your "Prize short of a Happy Meal" daughter in LA as some pseudo grand-dad who has no skeletons in his closet and will never be drawn back into the action because somehow every plot to take over the free world lands on your doorstep. Uh-huh.

3. Cause the cliff hanger last year left us saying "No more I am not watching this junk!" We will be back to let the cast of 24 make another years worth of house payments.

As of this post, see ya in 74 Days and 11 Hours...tick tock.

Witness Protection

Some of our...hmmm...lets call them "special" agents were either left out of the queue or rebelled against their monikers. For your convenience I have included a cross reference of new call signs.

FORMERLY	CURRENT	OVERSIGHT
CRAFT MASTER	LYNN DAHAND	TRAINING
VA-PARIS	BEA YERHOST	REPLENISHMENT
UN-LISTED	SAND MAN	SLEEPER CELL

Top 10 Interesting Tid Bits:


10. Apparently the President's daughter has quite a few "favors" she can call in.


09. Jack-ie's bandage is going to be this falls hottest neck wear. "Hey folks, Billy Mays here for Neck Felt!"

08. The CTU mainframe has been in storage for two years. They plug it up, boot it up, hook it to the LAN (Larrys Anemic Network), say the magic words, "AlaKazam AlaKafate, Turn-u-on Beuptodate" and BAM! we have all the most up-to-date terrorist information pulled together from all of the agencies who don't share information.


07. Meanwhile it takes 30 minutes to upload the fake web site of Mi-Browz Za-Hairee.


06. Rumors are swirling that there will be a Season 8 script contest on how to realistically resurrect Jonas Hodges.

05. Is Agent Pierce catching on to something or is he wondering why he's always assigned the nut case? A recent poll shows most believe he will end up in the trunk again.


04. Why are we able to see the fake file time stamps from the group Evil White Capitalists for World Domination but we can't seem to intercept a call from the President's daughter?


03. How does Jack get a vein without one of those prerequisite bands?


02. We're in DC, the nerve center of the free world and this is all the mental horsepower we can pull together?

01. And last but not least the new secret hand signal:

Safe House

Here we go everyone, another roller coaster ride through the big top that is Cirque de Bauer.

Stand by for encrypted message:

Operation: White Pajamas

Pass-phrase: Pin Cushion

Eight Inch Jack aka EIJ will be holed up at the White House between the hours of 0200 and 0300 Zulu. He will be transferred through VA via Paris with team Orville on point and Redenbaucher on flank. He will be transported in a non-descript "vehicle for the people." Foxy Face will be the decoy with Actual Size Cardboard Jack, aka ASCJ, riding shotgun. Farmer Brown and MEG (Middle Eastern Girl) will be providing 1000 cc of liquid nourishment to keep EIJ alert and at the ready.

Racer X, Home Pusher, Big Breeze, Craft Master and Puddin' Stirrer will be the "eyes and ears."

Madam President, with all due respect, we are out of time and need to move now if we are going to have any affect what-so-ever. Even if we are wrong. We realize that EIJ has re-occuring tremors, an on-again, off-again speech problem and is shooting up regularly as well as massive family problems and, as ASCJ, a two dimensional personality but if you look at our other options they are even bleaker.

End Transmission...