Witness Protection

Some of our...hmmm...lets call them "special" agents were either left out of the queue or rebelled against their monikers. For your convenience I have included a cross reference of new call signs.

FORMERLY	CURRENT	OVERSIGHT
CRAFT MASTER	LYNN DAHAND	TRAINING
VA-PARIS	BEA YERHOST	REPLENISHMENT
UN-LISTED	SAND MAN	SLEEPER CELL

Top 10 Interesting Tid Bits:


10. Apparently the President's daughter has quite a few "favors" she can call in.


09. Jack-ie's bandage is going to be this falls hottest neck wear. "Hey folks, Billy Mays here for Neck Felt!"

08. The CTU mainframe has been in storage for two years. They plug it up, boot it up, hook it to the LAN (Larrys Anemic Network), say the magic words, "AlaKazam AlaKafate, Turn-u-on Beuptodate" and BAM! we have all the most up-to-date terrorist information pulled together from all of the agencies who don't share information.


07. Meanwhile it takes 30 minutes to upload the fake web site of Mi-Browz Za-Hairee.


06. Rumors are swirling that there will be a Season 8 script contest on how to realistically resurrect Jonas Hodges.

05. Is Agent Pierce catching on to something or is he wondering why he's always assigned the nut case? A recent poll shows most believe he will end up in the trunk again.


04. Why are we able to see the fake file time stamps from the group Evil White Capitalists for World Domination but we can't seem to intercept a call from the President's daughter?


03. How does Jack get a vein without one of those prerequisite bands?


02. We're in DC, the nerve center of the free world and this is all the mental horsepower we can pull together?

01. And last but not least the new secret hand signal:

Safe House

Here we go everyone, another roller coaster ride through the big top that is Cirque de Bauer.

Stand by for encrypted message:

Operation: White Pajamas

Pass-phrase: Pin Cushion

Eight Inch Jack aka EIJ will be holed up at the White House between the hours of 0200 and 0300 Zulu. He will be transferred through VA via Paris with team Orville on point and Redenbaucher on flank. He will be transported in a non-descript "vehicle for the people." Foxy Face will be the decoy with Actual Size Cardboard Jack, aka ASCJ, riding shotgun. Farmer Brown and MEG (Middle Eastern Girl) will be providing 1000 cc of liquid nourishment to keep EIJ alert and at the ready.

Racer X, Home Pusher, Big Breeze, Craft Master and Puddin' Stirrer will be the "eyes and ears."

Madam President, with all due respect, we are out of time and need to move now if we are going to have any affect what-so-ever. Even if we are wrong. We realize that EIJ has re-occuring tremors, an on-again, off-again speech problem and is shooting up regularly as well as massive family problems and, as ASCJ, a two dimensional personality but if you look at our other options they are even bleaker.

End Transmission...